2006: A year in review

Professional:

• 100% pass rate on Science, Reading, and Writing SOLs
• Helped form the Kindness Committee at school which has been a huge success
• Started to love teaching again (years 2 and 3 were chaotic and nondescript, respectively)

Personal:

• Made some great new friends and got closer to old ones
• Fell even more in love with Ross
• Got a new brother
• Got a new hobby which has given me more stress relief than any medication could
• Finally dealt with some family issues-can't tell yet if they are resolved, but I think we are on the way
• Learned once again that marriage requires you to make the decision to love your partner as best you can everyday-luckily for me that decision is usually not very hard to make
  
• Became part of a new church that seems to be just what Ross and I have been looking for all along
• Realized that Ross and I are growing up together quite nicely

Looking at this list I'm seeing that 2006 was a positive year. It wasn't perfect: there were losses and setbacks, but it's all part of the game, I guess. I'm not making any resolutions for next year. I feel like I'm on the right track at this point. However, I do hope that I spend next year loving people better and getting even more comfortable in my own skin.

Friends, I hope you all have a great New Year's Eve and I wish you many blessings for 2007.

There is something seriously wrong with me.

I just cried my eyes out while watching The Family Stone. Like clogged up nose, ugly-faced cried. What the hell.

My New BFF

I had to take my car in for its state inspection today. I always wait until the last possible minute, so getting it done on Dec. 29th is a HUGE improvement from when I used to beg them to take me on Dec. 31st. Normally I take the car over to the Goodyear on Three Chopt (I have no clue why) but I decided to stay in the city this time, mostly because if there was something really wrong with the car, whoever had to pick my ass up and take my ass home wouldn't have to drive very far to get said ass anywhere.

So, I took it to Ferguson Autosomethingorother. I took it there because I found it on the Internets and it was on a street that I knew. Little did I know that I would find my new best friend sitting just inside.

This little slice of heaven sits between Broad and Clay Streets (two places known for their classiness) among several other automotive repair/parts establishments. As soon as I walked in I knew I had made the right choice. First of all, there was a huge plaque showing that this very place had been named by Richmond Magazine (a.k.a. the River City Consumer's Bible) for being on of the best mechanics in town. Seriously, Henry Ford himself could have come back from the grave and pointed his bony, rotted, crumbly finger at the place croaking "Don't go in there!!!!!" and I would have gestured to the Richmond Magazine with a smirk on my face - I mean, he was from Michigan, what does he know?

Anyway, after settling in and finding out that Mr. Bill Ferguson, owner and manager of the shop, could not let "such a nice lady" (that would be me) leave the premises without new brake pads. After calling me a nice lady, he could have told me that my bigdaddymackerator needed a new cylindrical cup cap and I would have believed him and handed over my credit card to pay for the job. But no, new brake pads just needed to be located and installed, a process that ended up taking longer than Bill would have liked. However, if it hadn't taken so long, Bill and I wouldn't be as close as we are today.

Our chatting started with Bill barking random questions at me such as, "So how tall are you, anyway?" as if it were something I had been go on and on about, because, you know, I'm huge. He also asked me if I like to cook, where I went to high school, if I had given my mother any grandbabies yet, what my husband did for a living, what I did for a living (notice which one he asked first), and whether or not I like computers. I answered the last question with an affirmative nod and a shrug. And that's when the magic happened. Bill spent about 45 minutes showing me all of the "crazy" forwards that his daughter-in-law had sent him, as well as pictures from his son's wedding in which he kept pointing out the 6'11" bridesmaide who was from the "Ukraine or one of those crazy Eastern European countries where the ladies get real big." He also told me that if I was ever around at 10:00am the "oriental vendor woman" from down the street would be by with what the guys at his shop call the "CHINK TRUCK" in case I wanted a snack. Yeah, you read correctly.

All in all I ended up waiting for 4 hours for everything to get done. Ross road up at around 11 so we could go to Hardee's for lunch (I know, I went to the gym for 1 1/2 hours after I got home to make up for it in my mind). By noon everything was done and Bill and I bid farewell until next December. Needless to say, it was an eventful/fun morning. Except for the whole racial slur thing.

My mom *may* have shoplifted me from the baby store.

It seems that I have a security sensor somewhere in/on my person that was never removed/deactivated prior to my mother bringing me home from the hospital. Why do I think this, you ask? Well the thing is, whenever I walk into or out of a store, I am the one who sets of the alarm. Yeah, it's me. Pretty much every single time. I visited two stores today: Target and CVS. And guess what happened. I set of the security alarm walking into and out of BOTH STORES. But the funny thing is, never once did anyone demand to search me or my belongings. Instead they just looked at me, smiled, and shouted over the din of blaring sirens that I was "ok" and could move along. How do they know I'm ok? I could have $4k worth of lifesavers stuffed in my girl parts for all they know.

(Please note, I do not have $4k of anything stuffed in any of my parts.)

Why you should go to Gold's gym*

*This blogger is a real person, not a paid actor.


I am in love love love with having a gym. Maybe this is because I have a really nice gym. Granted, the only gym I have to compare it to is the fitness center at U of R, which, let's be honest, I only went to like 3 times in my four years there. Anyway, I love my gym. To the point where I kind of want to be there all of the time.


When I signed up at Gold's they asked me what I wanted out of a gym. I said I wanted it to be safe, clean, and for the people to be friendly. That's all. Not a particularly tall order but, hey, I'm a girl who knows what she wants. Anyway, Brad (my super-nice orientation guy who sent me a thank you letter for joining-I like to think that he doesn't do that for everyone) said that I would definitely get that there. AND BOY WAS HE RIGHT!

Watch out, friends, here comes a list. Why I lovey love love my gym:

• PARKING LOT IN THE CITY.
  
• Big, huge spotlight shining down in said parking light like a beacon from God saying, "You will not get attacked at a place as magnificent as this."
  
• TVs on the treadmills. Hello. This makes exercising easy like Sunday morning, rather than like you are walking/running to your death.
• Said treadmills go up to an incline of 50%. Amazing. I'm gonna say it, my butt is looking more fabulous than ever, and that's saying a lot considering what a fan I already was of my posterior.
• Sauna in the ladies' lockeroom. I haven't used it yet but I love knowing it's there!
• Free classes. That's right. Free. And no signing up.
• No kids. We all know I love kids to the point of A)wanting to eat them or B)having my head blow up from cuteness, but I really appreciate not having them there as a distraction.
• Great magazine selection. Again, makes it easy like Sunday morning.
• They have a rack for you to hang your keys when you go in. And since it's Richmond, no one would be so rude as to steal from you. (As we all know, in Richmond, people won't be rude. They might kill you, but they won't be rude).

Hopefully I've convinced you all to drive straight down there and sign up. I don't even care if you use me as a reference (even though if you do, my name *does* go into a drawing for a "big screen TV.")

Save me a seat in hell.

Ok. I'm not really a mall person. I don't like the parking and the walking and the having to carry your coat around and what not. It's just not for me. But, as it was the Christmas season and with the Christmas season comes gift cards and necessary returns, I decided to bite the bullet and just venture out to Chesterfield Towne Centre (they spell it that way to make it seem fancy) to take care of my errands. Why the CTC, you ask? Because, frankly, I'd rather drink my own urine (hell, I'd drink your urine) before going out to Short Pump on the day after Christmas. One can only take so many David-Yurman-jewelry-draped, Tide-with-lavender scented West End mothers and croc-clad children in his/her lifetime.

Anyway, I felt like things were going to be ok when I got there. I found a parking lot very close to the entrance and took that as a good sign. Maybe I wouldn't end of shaking my fist at complete strangers at the conclusion of this trip.

Well, I didn't shake my fist, but I will tell you that after making a return and buying some jeans (25% off, helloooooo!!!), a trip that took all of 15 minutes, I left feeling genuine hatred for the following people:

• Anyone under the age of 23
• The fitting room attendant at GAP who seems to think that the fitting rooms are in the pants of the "cute boy" working at the register
• Grown women who wear oversized, fleece sweatshirts embroidered with any cartoon character that doesn't wear pants (e.g. Pooh, Daffy Duck, etc.)
  
• People who walk around the mall like they are taking a stroll in the park and then suddenly stop in front of a store to discuss whether or not to go in there and as they stop they block the way for everyone in their vicinity because, I'm gonna say it, each member of their strolling party passed 300lbs. a long time ago

So there, I'm a city snob. I apparently cannot be in any area other than my place of work or within walking distance of my home. It also seems that I'm only friends with people that are my age or older and who I feel are attractive, in-shape, and well-dressed (but not too well-dressed-see my previous comments about people who live in the West End). It turns out that deep in my black heart of judgement I have found myself to be a jerk. Why don't I feel bad about this?

Christmas Eve Eve and Christmas Eve

The Christmas holidays have gotten off to a spectacular start. Ross and I spent the evening alone which happens about as often as Halley's comet graces us with its presence. We cooked beef tenderloin in the crockpot and played Scrabble and Dominoes. All of that sounds like we're 85 years old until I tell you that whilst playing these games we kissed a lot AND watched Kill Bill vols. 1 and 2. I must say, while I loved the movies independently, watching one right after the other is amazing.

Ross and I woke up this morning before 10, only so we could get to McDonald's in time for breakfast. We came home, got real fat, and then opened our presents. I got a Dust Buster (I asked for it, seriously), Amy Sedaris's entertaining book, and a pair of fancy boots (which will have to be sent back because they are too small, but I'm more deeply in love with Ross than ever for even trying to buy me shoes). I also got lots of deodorant in my stocking, as well as a toothbrush, dental floss, and candy.

Ross got an NCAA official football (because he's 8), a copy of Moby Dick, and the Stuffed Cougar cookbook so he can make me dinner. He too got deodorant in his stocking, as well as candy, a spatula, and, the pis de resistance (I have no idea how to spell it and I prefer to say it like that anyway): plastic army men and a T-rex to be part of our nativity scene (pictures to follow soon, I'm sure).

Today will consist of me not cleaning up the mess from last night's dinner, Ross throwing the new football around with Justin Morgan, us going to church, and then dinner/presents at Ross's parents. I hope I get more deodorant.

Let the holidays begin!

I finished Christmas shopping today. At least I hope I did. I have this nagging fear in the back of my head that I've forgotten someone very important. If that turns out to be you, I'm very sorry. You shouldn't be upset anyway-it's not your birthday.

Ross and I will be doing our couple's Christmas on Christmas Eve morning. He will then go play football and I will go back to sleep. Church is at 4 (I've never gone to church on Christmas Eve and I'm very excited) and then we have dinner with his parents.

Christmas morning doesn't start until 11am this year (God Bless my sister-in-law who knows how to lay down the law in the most diplomatic of ways), followed by a lasagna dinner at my dad's. I am very very very excited about all of the festivites, I must say. Especially the lasagna.

No Sh*t

Oh the absurdity of it all.

De-Fatting Update

I joined the gym on Wednesday. I went Wednesday night, Thursday morning, and this morning as well. I think that's a pretty good start. I'm focusing on cardio (bike, treadmill, etc.) so I can build my stamina back up. And with the built in TV on the treadmills at Golds, the time passes really quickly. I feel so much better already.

I think I'll go for a little bit tomorrow morning and then take a break for a couple days. That is, I'll go if I can kick this cold that seems to be creeping up my throat. I DO NOT WANT TO BE SICK FOR CHRISTMAS. But oh well, now I'm going out in the cold with my cold to finish up Christmas shopping.

The De-Fatting Begins

Today I joined Gold's Gym down in the Fan. I'm very excited because now I won't be fatty-fatty-fat-fat. The people down at the gym were very nice and I even got a good sign-up deal because I work for Chesterfield County. So that's good. I even went for an hour tonight. I like there a lot because the people seem not-lame, i.e. not super intense and if they are, they're quiet about it. They even have a room called "Ladies' Gold" where, you guessed it, it's just for ladies. I went in there so I could figure out how to use some of the equipment without looking like a jackass in front of everyone. Another, you guessed right again, lady was in there. She seemed more concerned with getting the TV to work and putting her hair into a ponytail than with exercising. I, on the other hand, was a focused and hard-working gym member and can't wait to go back tomorrow.

Today was seriously a good day.

I mean, I had the wonderful Christmas miracle as mentioned earlier, as well as a good day at school during which some of my kids gave me presents that I will actually use (including Bath & Body Work Brown Sugar and Fig scented lotion-mmmmmmm).

The gloriousness all continued when I got home. I had a nice nap and woke up to my hubs telling me that dinner was ready. He fixed fish sticks and macaroni, which was my most favorite thing to eat when I was little. Ross has been refusing to fix fish sticks since we got married, so this was all very exciting. While we ate we watched Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and I fell in love with Robert Downey, Jr. I was proud of myself for being in love with him because he is perhaps the most grown-up looking man that I've ever fallen in love with. Look:

Can we say handsome? Yes, we can, Mr. Downey, Jr., and you. are. it.

Along with that, tomorrow is my last day of work before winter break. I am very very excited.

I’ve already had a Merry Christmas.

Today one of our little girls in 5th grade got a huge surprise. Her father is on his second tour in Iraq. She and her sister had been told that he wasn’t going to be able to make it home for Christmas. But today she got called up to the office and found her daddy standing there waiting for her. Then they called her little sister up. When the little one saw him she said, “I asked Santa for you to come home for Christmas!!!” Both of the little ones just started sobbing because they were so excited. And of course we all were crying, too. It was beautiful. After seeing two of our babies so happy, I don’t really need anything else this year.

5 things you probably don't know about me...

1. I get up and go to the bathroom about 5 times before I finally go to sleep. I don't know if this is from being terrified of wetting the bed or from hating to get up the middle of the night. Either way, it's annoying.

2. People accused my of being anorexic all through high school.

3. I have never been west of the Mississippi River.

4. When faced with gross things in real life, I have no reaction whatsoever and remain very calm and collected. But if you tell me about them, I will moan and scream like I'm going to vomit.

5. I have never broken an arm or had stitches (wisdom teeth don't count).

Weekend Wrap Up...

Friday evening: Had dinner with the hubs and his dad at Mexico where I ate lots of chips and drank a margarita. Went with hubs to MattWhite's house where we met up with him and Shelley. Drank some lemoncello or whatever the mess it is out of tea cups. Went back to our house and beat Justin Morgan at Trivial Pursuit. Fell a little bit more in love with Shelley.

Saturday morning: N/A I was in bed

Saturday afternoon: Stopped at McDonald's on the way up to Fxburg. Discovered that this particular McDonald's was the worst one on earth. Drove up for Maura's graduation part-ay. Talked to Maura's mom about what it was like to be a nun. Ate lots of chocolate.

Satuday evening: Drove back down to Richmond. Tried to get dressed for Nic and Kate's Christmas party. Nothing fit because of my science fiction boobs. Decided to wear black pants, white button-up shirt, sassy red shoes, and one of Ross's ties. Was a little nervous about how I looked. Apparently it was a hit. Had an awesome time at the party and saw a lot of people that I really don't hang out with enough. Fell a little bit more in love with Jennifer Murphy.

Sunday morning: Excercised (yes, it's true!)and took a shower before 1pm.

Sunday afternoon: Made piggies in blankets. Went to church. Partook in after-church potluck/Christmas party. Poked at Georgia-With-Child's belly, trying to get her unborn daughter to move. Failed.

Sunday evening: Spread a little Christmas cheer in the form of taking Remus his Christmas present. Went to Target. Cursed the fact that any idiot can have a child. Bought some hamster food and Christmas odds and ends. Came home and ate peanut butter toast. Gonna go snuggle with the hubs and go to bed.

Hearts and Happy Holidays!

Updates

My hair is now EVEN SHORTER. What with my short hair and tattoo, Ross is in hubs-heaven for serious.

I had jury duty again today. Like last week, I went into the big room where they wrangle everyone, then went and sat in hallway for 90 minutes. I was then told to go home because the case I was being called to had been settled. So, lucky me, I get to go back next week. Oh well, I got a day off that didn't take from my personal/sick days.

The how has been Christmasfied. Normally I'm finished decorating by 10am the day after Thanksgiving. Ross and I have both been Scrooges this year. But I decided no more. I put on Elf and decorated the house, dammit. We are both in a much better mood now that Ross's childhood is splashed all over our Christmas tree. I only had like 4 ornaments to contribute to our collection because my mom must not love me as much as Ross's mom loves him.

I am done with my Oceanoggraphy class that I was taking for recertification. So I don't have to take another college class for 5 years. I finished all of my work tonight. And let me tell you, I did my last article summary on this, and I know my professor will love it.

I have spent so much money on Christmas presents. I'm terrified to look at our bank balance. Sigh.

Weekend Wrap Up...

Friday night: Ross's/Mark's Birthday Extravaganza. Much beer drinking and chips eating and Queen singing ensued.

Saturday morning: Nothing I was still asleep.

Saturday afternoon: Cleaned up the house in record time. Ate some peanut butter toast. Did some Christmas shopping at Lane Sanson in Carytown (seriously, the most crowded place I've ever been in my life) and at Ben Franklin (also known as my heaven).

Saturday night: Joined my brother at Bottom's Up for his birthday dinner. Saw possibly the most chubba baby in my life and my head seriously almost blew up from the cuteness of it all. Went home and went to bed.

Sunday morning: Went to the Salvation Army for "Loaves and Fishes" with our church. Prepared large quantities of noodles, sauce, vegetables, garlic bread, and fruit salad.

Sunday afternoon: Served said food. Went to Barnes and Noble and Target and spent over $100 in less than an hour on Christmas presents. Went to church and then had snacks, including the best chocolate chip cookie ever.

Sunday night: Got the customary Taco Bell dinner. Wrote an awkward but necessary email. Puttered around the house. Currently watching Extreme Makeover: Home Edition and periodically crying.

Only 1 1/2 weeks until Winter Break!

We Catrows know how to throw down.

I ended up missing my school's annual Christmas party (which I just realized I haven't been to once in my four years there) because we needed to throw Ross a birthday party. Ross is the more extroverted of the two of us and LOVES hanging out, but for some reason, we've only had parties for my birthday. So, it was overdue.

I must say it was the easiest party we've ever thrown because all it involved was sending out a couple emails telling people when to show up and that they better bring beer because, for God's sake, the Catrow family was not going to be buying anymore beer for anyone, especially when it's Ross's birthday. Our friends listen very well (or hate being places without beer) because come with beer they did. Lots of it. And we revelers drank it all. Actually, I think Jennifer Murphy drank most of it, but hey, who's counting.

Let's just say my stomach still hurts from spending the entire night laughing. So many people that we love so much were there (not all of them, for sure, but lots) that it almost didn't matter that our downstairs is only slightly warmer than the blustery outdoor air. There was lots of Wii playing, much singing along to Queen, and Jake even went under our house for us to turn off the pipe that runs our house so it wouldn't freeze. I'm not sure why he did this during our party, but I wasn't going to argue because I sure as hell wasn't going under there. And we all know Ross wasn't.

Everyone cleared out at around 2:30am. I hadn't seen 2:30am since college. But I went to bed thoroughly exhausted and feeling happier and more loved than I had in a long time. And it wasn't even my birthday.

I've been found!

One of the ladies I work with found my blog! Don't be scared, friends, I know she's legit. She even put a picture of me on her blog and said some really nice things about me. Here's the picture:

Be sure to check out her post about my school's participation in the Red Scarf Project and think about participating in it yourself.

Just a suggestion…

So yesterday I had jury duty. It was fairly painless, but I still need to call in every Wednesday of this month to see if I need to go back. I was excused before even going into the selection/courtroom because two of the cases on schedule were dismissed. So while that made for an easy, short morning for me, I still might have to go back.

Anyway, while sitting outside of the selection room, I got a glimpse of the people there to participate in cases. First of all, I think I hate lawyers. Or maybe I just know that they know that I’m not as smart as them, so rather than be intimidated, I just transform that into hatred.

Also, and I don’t mean to be rude, but, I mean, if you’re going to court because you have been charged with a crime, it might be a good idea to, oh, I don’t know, tuck your shirt in. Or maybe comb your hair. How about taking a shower? Maybe, don’t look like you spent the entire night awake smoking meth. But, again, I’m just making a suggestion.

GAH!

This tattoo itches like no one's business. I had read on some Internets that as the tattoo heals, you might experience some irritation and itching, because, I mean, you had your skin cut on purpose and then had ink put into it. But I mean, c'mon. And as Ross can tell you, I'm really bad about not scratching itches. One reason I don't wear shorts in the summer is because my legs are disgustingly red and scabby from me scratching bug bites with reckless abandon.

I've been doing well with the tattoo though. I don't scratch it at all. I just wince a lot. Like to the point where I think people might believe I have acquired some kind of facial twitch. I'm terrified of removing a scab (yum!) and messing the tattoo up somehow, so it's hands off, at least until the Internets have said I've healed.

P.S. One of my kids had chicken pox and I know sometimes adults get shingles from kids with chicken pox. There's no real reason to think that I will get this, but my constant itching doesn't help with my paranoid tendencies.

He's old and he's mine

Today Ross turns 26. He is so close to 30, it's nuts. But anyway, Happy Birthday, Hubs. You're growing up so nicely. I love you.

Weekend Review

(BTW: I’ve decided that everyone should do this. Friends, I really do want to know how you spent your weekend. Make it part of your Monday morning routine.)

Friday day: Found out that there’s a Reams baby on the way, got my flu shot, came home, sat around waiting for Matt and Maura to get here.

Friday night: Have a lovely, long-overdue reunion with Matt and Maura, got an awesome novelty T-shirt from Maura as a belated birthday present, went to Ginger for dinner (mmmmmmmmmm to the max), bought a pint of Smirnoff Ice (classy), went to Matthew’s apartment for some drunken knitting (ALWAYS a good idea) and some double Wii tennis (I have a very sore spot on my hand from when my hand and Justin’s Wii-mote made contact. Watch out, he’s strong AND intense about his Wii tennis).

Saturday day: Woke up incredibly sore from my flu shot and my hours of physical activity from the night before, got a snack of croissants and hot chocolate from Capital Coffee with Maura, went with Maura to get her haircut, took Maura out to lunch at Eddo Squid (much less crowded in the afternoon) for her birthday, ran some errands at Target, came home, said goodbye to Matt and Maura.

Saturday night: Went to Bacchus (yes, more Italian) with Ross and his in-laws, made a random trip to Kroger to buy bread and a mop, wrapped some Christmas presents (bought during my Target errand), yelled at the dogs a lot, realized I was crabby, went to bed by 10:30.

Sunday day: Woke up feeling much better, cleaned the bathroom, watched “America’s Next Top Model” marathon, took a shower, went to church, ate some cookies, came home, fed the dogs, vacuumed the downstairs.

Sunday night: Babysat my friend Remus, changed a gross diaper, read a story, put a baby to bed, folded some laundry, comforted a screaming Remus, brushed my teeth, comforted a once again screaming Remus, handed him off to his parents, off to bed.

More babies!!!

No, not me. Still. But the guy I teach fifth grade with is expecting with his wife! He's so excited and suddenly now and expert on everything about pregnancy-it's hilarious. Needless to say, there was much squealing when he told us.

Birfday party

Who: Ross and Mark
What: 26th and 24th birfdays (respectively)
When: Friday Dec. 8 at 8ish
Where: my house (if you know me in meatspace, you know where that is, otherwise, too bad.)

Food will be provided. You have to bring beer. Ross's only birthday wish is that he get to drink beer that the Catrow family didn't have to pay for in any way, shape, or form. So, you better bring it because all we have to drink is Diet Ginger Ale.

How it all happened: A tale told in photographs.

Here is me talking to Dave about where to put the tattoo:


More discussion:


Let's get it started, HA!:


Ay chihuahua:


Ta-dah! Hott.

Guess what I got.

That's right. I got my tattoo last night. Love it or hate it, friends, it's there and it's beautiful. I don't have a picture yet but Ross will upload one to www.haduken.com later today, so be sure to check it out there.

All in all, it wasn't too bad getting it. The thing that made the most nervous was just sitting there, waiting to see what it was going to feel like. Once I felt it, I was like, "Ok, I can deal with this." Some of the pictures seriously look like I'm in labor because I just took deep breaths the whole time. But there was no crying, no squealing, no yelling, so that's good. The best way I can describe it is getting a bunch of bee stings over and over again for about an hour. I mean, the feeling sucks but you know that it's nothing you can't handle.

So there, I did it. I feel brave and beautiful and mom was just plain giddy about it when I told her. Ross was awesome. He held my hand the whole time and told me how good it was looking. And, this is the best part: My darling brother-in-law (who, with my sister, orchestrated this whole thing) told me stories about pirates to get my mind off of the pain AND had already gotten me the necessary unscented soap to keep my new artwork clean. What a guy.

Good or bad, I will never be...

...one of those people that always has it together.
...as smart as I would like to be.
...rude to someone I don't know.
...good at sports.
...the first person that someone over the age of ten thinks of when they need an answer to a question.
...good at schmoozing.
...so drunk that I throw up.
...impressed by people who spend all of their money on expensive clothes.
...a person who lives a big life.
...a good cook.
...the girl who everyone in the room looks at and thinks is beautiful.
...an owner of an SUV.
...perfect.

Saturday Thanksgiving

Ross and I celebrate Thanksgiving with my mom's side of the family the following Saturday, meaning today. So, we went over to my brother's house for the festivities. Good times were had. We found out that my cousin and her husband are having another baby in May which is awesome. I knit a hat (complete with a decorative flower) for their current baby, Sidney. After some alterations I made it fit. I might have to knit a strap so she'll actually keep it on though. It didn't matter because she is so insanely cute. She's obsessed with my brother's cats and said "Hi Kit-Kat" all evening. CUTENESS. We also got to see the 8943798798 pictures from my sister's wedding. My bossoms and/or chin look big in all of them. My cousin said that every time she looked at a picture of me in my bridesmaides dress, the only word that came to mind was "mammary." Thanks, Jen.

All in all, it was a good night. We came home to some po-po action on our block. Nothing came of it, but I will admit that I crouched at our front door, peaking out the window. Don't worry, Shooter was doing the same thing.

Oh, and I've been summoned for jury duty in December. Awesome.

Thoughts on prayer and Thanksgiving

My responding comments to J in Ric’s most recent post (check my blog roll) got me thinking about something. Often when people are going through tough times, we make a promise to pray for them. This is typically the first thing I say (and the first thing I want to hear) when a rough situation comes up. When I say it, I mean it, and I hope other people do.

Keeping this in mind, to those of you who make this offer, I want to encourage you to actually follow through with it. To me, it’s one of the worst promises to break. Obviously, there’s really no way to know for sure that someone is praying for you, and I would never go up to someone and say, “I can’t believe you didn’t pray for me.” However, when someone says they are going to pray for me, I take it very seriously. To me, they are saying that they are going to use some of their one-on-one time with God (of which we sadly take so little) to speak about me and to ask for healing in my life. That’s a powerful thing.

I’ll be praying for all you, Internet and Meat Space friends alike. I pray that you be safe this holiday. I pray that you enjoy the people you spend it with. I pray that you get well-deserved rest and that you eat and laugh until your bellies hurt.

Happy Thanksgiving, Friends. God Bless.

A hat!

So I finally finished the hat! It's wonky and bumpy and it's going to be too small for the head I intended it for, but atleast I know how to do it now. I have it sitting on my desk now, acting like a hat for my speaker. I'm proud of myself.

OMG!

My sister and her new husband gave me my birthday present tonight: a gift certificate to get my Made in Richmond tattoo! Now I'm actually going to have to put their money where my mouth is. No,but seriously, I'm super stoked but also super scared. I'll be sure to post a picture once I get the guts to actually have it done.

Bad day.

At one point today, I actually curled up in a ball on the floor of my classroom in front of my children. Here was the conversation that lead to it:

Me: Now, guys, when you do this worksheet on the story, make sure you put the page numbers next to your answer so I can see that you used your book.

Student A: Why do we need to put page numbers?

Me: So I can see that you used your book.

Student B: Do we need our book to do this worksheet?

Me: Yes. Otherwise you won’t get the answers right.

Student C: Do we need to put the page numbers next to the answers?

Me: (collapses to the floor)


On top of that, I had oatmeal for lunch for the third day in a row. As we are poor, I’m trying to eat all of the food I have stored in my desk during my lunches, rather than buying anything. At all. Like even groceries. Oatmeal for lunch makes me grumpy. And constipated. There, I said it.

I miss my Maura, too. I haven’t seen her in weeks. She went to California and I didn’t even know it.

I don’t want James and Jennifer to move to Scotland. I fully support their call to ministry and pray that they be successful. That doesn’t mean that I have to like them being gone.

I can’t figure out my hair. It’s like I forgot what it’s like to have short hair. I think I just look like a boy. With big boobs that make my back hurt.

I have a conference this afternoon with a great parent, but she loves to talk. After that, I go pick up the hubs, and we have to go to the grocery store which I hate to do after work. Then I get to go to class and see the guy who asked me out on a date last class. At least I have my knitting to do.

Also, I’m getting really sick of seeing people in stores and the like who seem to have no idea how children/babies work. Why do these people get to have babies? I know how babies work, yet I have none.

Whine, whine, whine.

Are there tire tracks on my back?

It's only Tuesday and I already feel like I'm about to collapse. I went home last Thursday because I got sick at school and I haven't felt great since then. This weekend was rough because of family issues. I have a meeting every morning this week, requiring me to get my butt out of the house, scramble to get myself situated in the classroom, and then head off to 45 minutes of county-mandated (read: irrelevant) meetings. I'm trying some new things in my reading class which are turning out to be really fun for the kids AND me, but planning them is like reinventing the wheel and significantly more time-consuming. I double-booked conferences this afternoon cause I'm awesome and felt really bad. Luckily the parents were great about it, but I still felt bad about it. Money is also going to be tight soon so I'm thinking I might need to start tutoring or babysitting pretty regularly to give us some breathing room budget-wise. I know none of these things is by any means a big deal, but I find it hard to be happy or positive when I have so many things pulling at me. I need to go lie down because my stomach is acting up again. This will make it much easier for the truck that is this week to run me over again.

Dear Britney,

I am very, VERY proud of you for making the decision to divorce K-Fed. Normally I don't condone divorce, but since I didn't condone your marriage, I feel like it's ok. I feel like this is a move in the right direction for you. However, *this* probably isn't:



C'mon, honey. First of all, I don't understand why all you young girls are insisting on wearing wigs. I don't care how jacked up your hair might be from not washing it for 2 years during your marriage, or as we'll call it "Period of Super Insanity and Trashiness" (POSIAT), wigs are not good. To top it off, you have a hat on. With a pom-pom on it. While you are wearing a cute little black dress. POSIAT is over. Make a clean break. Take a shower, comb your own hair, put on a little mascara and blush. I said a little. It won't hurt, I promise.

Much love to you, B. I feel like we can be friends again.

This weekend

Saw "Borat" and felt uncomforable.
Got yelled at by cops for "loitering" I guess. Will never go to the West End again.
Woke up Saturday feeling like I was going to vomit.
Got haircut.
Consoled crying sister.
Ate free lunch at Can-Can.
Consoled crying mother.
Went to PetSmart and looked at the cute puppies.
Went to Barnes and Noble and bought a book.
Went to Target and encountered the most socially awkward girl in the entire world and felt uncomfortable for her.
Created and ordered our Christmas cards.
Ate at Joe's.
Made buttons for our school reading program.
Woke up Sunday still feeling like I was going to vomit.
Made some more buttons.
Did some of my homework.
Took at nap.
Ate at Taco Bell.
Made some more buttons.
Finished my homework.
Watched too much T.V.
Off to bed.

Please help.

I am nearing the point where I need to decrease on my hat. I'm knitting the hat on a circular needle and I have the double-pointed needles to finish but I have no clue how. Please respond with detailed instruction or a website that will give me said instructions.

Thank you.

Fat Bottomed Girls, You Make the Rockin' World Go 'Round.

This is something I completely and totally believe. I believe it so much that I insisted that I walk down the aisle to this song at my sister's wedding. My brother, being the amazing musician that he is, worked it out so it was only a somewhat-recognizable arrangement of the song. And my sister, being the amazing person that *she* is, allowed it to be so.

When I was in high school I was WAY too skinny. Looking back at pictures of it, it was actually kinda gross. I ate all the time, seriously, but I was a nervous wreck so I never gained any weight. I stayed a nervous wreck until about 2 years ago, thus I stayed skinny until then.

As my coping abilities improved, my weight went up. This was either due to medication or the ability to sit in one place and relax. Maybe both. Whatever the reason, my hip bones that once potruded out from my body now look a little softer. Other parts of me have gotten a little (ok, a lot) fuller. As my mother once put it to me, "You look like a GIRL now."

At first (and still, at times) I had a hard time with this. I spent the first part of my life eating whatever the mess I wanted to and never seeing any results on my body. Age, metabolism, and life changes have altered that and now I can definitely tell if I have indulged a little too much. Being used to Southern food doesn't help. Honestly, it's hard for me to have lunch or dinner without something fried included in the mix. Or bacon. We Southerners love bacon. And butter. And bacon with butter. Mmmmmmmm.

Anyway, I'm starting to appreciate it now. I'm more concerned with being healthy than skinny. I'd rather by healthy and curvy than healthy and skinny. And it helps when you have a husband who watches a movie with Marilyn Monroe in it, exclaims how beautiful she is, and then insists that you have a body just like hers.

So anyway, here's to some fat-bottomed girls that I love...


It's said that she was very fond how of she wiggled when she walked.


Toni Collette seems to be just so normal overall. Normal AND beautiful. And hilarious. Did you see Little Miss Sunshine? Hello.


Miss Winslet is known for her committment to curves. How can you not like that?


Miss Scarlette is by no means big, but apparently gets told to lose weight a lot. She's quoted as saying that she loves her body. And apparently the entire civilized world does because she's on the cover of every magazine ever.

And I will close with those indelible words sung by the legendary Freddie Mercury:

Are you gonna take me home tonight
Ah down beside that red firelight
Are you gonna let it all hang out
Fat bottomed girls
You make the rockin world go round

Hey I was just a skinny lad
Never knew no good from bad
But I knew life before I left my nursery
Left alone with big fat fanny
She was such a naughty nanny
Heap big woman you made a bad boy out of me
Hey hey!

Ive been singing with my band
Across the wire across the land
I seen evry blue eyed floozy on the way
But their beauty and their style
Went kind of smooth after a while
Take me to them dirty ladies every time

Oh wont you take me home tonight?
Oh down beside your red firelight
Oh and you give it all you got
Fat bottomed girls you make the rockin world go round
Fat bottomed girls you make the rockin world go round

Hey listen here
Now your mortgages and homes
I got stiffness in the bones
Aint no beauty queens in this locality (I tell you)
Oh but I still get my pleasure
Still got my greatest treasure
Heap big woman you gonna make a big man out of me
Now get this

Oh you gonna take me home tonight (please)
Oh down beside your red firelight
Oh you gonna let it all hang out
Fat bottomed girls you make the rockin world go round
Fat bottomed girls you make the rockin world go round
Get on your bikes and ride

Oooh yeah them fat bottomed girls
Fat bottomed girls
Yeah yeah yeah
Fat bottomed girls
Yes yes

Turning circles…

So I’m an idiot. While I’ve had a circular needle for sometime, I just recently figured out how to use it so you can actually use it to knit in a circle. I had just been using it as a way to conveniently hold a lot of stitches. But last night I was determined to figure it out. So I did. At 11:00pm. Then I knitted until 11:48 pm. For 48 minutes I sat at my desk, not speaking to anyone, and knitted until I realized that I couldn’t really move my neck. I have a problem.

Crucial update

I know that all of you are just tolerating this election coverage to keep yourselves busy until I finally blessed you all with an update on the knitting. Alas, wait no more.

I am totally and completely addicted to it. I knit ALL THE TIME. Ask anyone who has stopped by my house-I answer the door knitting. I cannot leave the house without getting another row in.

Despite my addiction to it, I haven't been very productive. I've knitted one regular scarf with an interesting pattern. I also just finished another scarf that involves buttons. I will post pictures once I remember to ask Ross to take them.

After mastering the rectangle, I decided I could knit a hat. I wanted to start out by knitting a hat for my good friend Remus who is 8 months old and has a small head. With the first one, I completely didn't understand the concept of decreasing and effed the whole thing up. As Stitch 'n' Bitch says, sometimes you need to know when to pull it out. I didn't even pull it out. I threw it away. After consulting Kate and my knitting instruction book for the 98798689 time, I tried again. This time I got the decreasing and made just about the cutest hat ever. However, I wasn't completely satisfied with the finishing, so at 6:45 this morning, I decided it would be a good idea to slip the seams out and start over. I ended up snipping something that I shouldn't have and messed it up beyond repair. Ross said he was disappointed in my because I couldn't leave well-enough alone.

Today I started knitting another hat. I have no clue who it is for, except that they will have a smaller head than me. I am confident that this one will be a success.

Night, kids.

Halloween in Gilpin Court

Some people from FSC went down to Gilpin Court this evening to help run some games at a carnival sponsored by a local church. As they told us many time, they do NOT celebrate Halloween and this was by no means a Halloween party. But hey, today is Halloween and that's where I was, so I had Halloween in Gilpin Court.

We had planned on doing this for a while. Ross and I are always talking about how people need to get involved in all parts of the city, and here we had an opportunity to practice what we preach. I totally didn't want to go. I had so much work to do and just wanted to stay home, watch MTV and knit. But no, we went.

Ross, MattWhite, and I piled into the car and drove down to Gilpin Court. We left at 5:15 and it took us an hour to find where we were going. I don't know if you've ever *been* to Gilpin Court, but I just know that every ounce of my suburban upbringing was pushing to the front of my brain, telling me to get the mess out of there. But, we pressed on and figured out where we were supposed to be.

The boys manned the Dodge Ball game, while Jennifer, Georgia sans Child (not to be confused with Georgia with Child), and I took over the "Krazy Kans" game. I have no idea why it couldn't just be called "Crazy Cans." Maybe spelling it correctly wouldn't be crazy enough. Anyway, it was just a simple game where we set up three wooden bottles (not cans, strangely enough) and people tried to knock them over with beanbags. Simple, right? Or how about THE MOST FUN AND POPULAR GAME EVER. The people were OBESESSED with this game, or else they just thought Jennifer was pretty, cause she was the one passing out the beanbags. Either way, we were a hit. There were toddlers that wanted to play over and over again (maybe because we would make the bottles fall down whenever they played) and even a grandmother who must have played 15 times. It was great.

So, by the end of the night, I was so glad I went. We were blessed with excellent weather and a very strong and visible police presence who kept everyone there under control and kept the rif-raff to a minimum. It was great to spend an evening watching those kids have some good, clean fun. I hope we get to help out with something like that again soon.

Are we as awesome as we think we are?

I saw Matthew and Morgan last night when Matthew was getting a super discount on our new phones. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen these together, but they are super cute and both seem to be so secure in their relationship. I mean, I don’t know if/how much they fight or whatever, but they seem to genuinely enjoy being around each other. Anyway, it makes me wonder how Ross and I seem to other people. We talk about all the time about how we are the *most* obnoxious people we know, but we also think we are incredibly hilarious.

Hurting.

And so, as any normal person would do, I shall turn to The Rolling Stones...

You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you might find
You get what you need

Oh yeah, hey hey hey, oh...

Thanks, Mick.

Reese and Ryan, No!

Up is down, in is out, left is right. Say it ain't so.

Scary to the maxxxxxx

Let's be festive! What with Halloween coming tomorrow, tell me what things scare the CRAP out of you. Here are a few of mine:

1. Vampires. Hands down, the things that scare me more than anything else.
2. Birds.
3. The movie "Stir of Echoes" starring Kevin Bacon. It came out the same time as The Sixth Sense, so no one saw it but me. And I almost died.
4. Things getting poked into my eyes.
5. Babydolls-especially the ones that have the eyes that open and close. Buuuuuh.

Which is worse: Failing out of school or being embarrassed?

I started today with a very frustrating conference. I have an adorable little girl in my class who has failed math every nine weeks for the passed three years. She squeaks by in her other subjects with D’s, but I guess since she’s not a behavior problem and doesn’t stand out, her other teachers have just scooted her along to the next grade, assuming that she’ll catch on eventually.

I met with her mother today (who, btw, was supposed to meet me at school yesterday afternoon, but never showed) and we talked about her daughter’s progress, or lack thereof. Her daughter has already been tested for a learning disability, but nothing came of it because she doesn’t *have* a disability, she’s just got major gaps in her learning. Even though she is in fifth grade, she reads at a third grade level. She doesn’t know any of her math facts at all. After scouring her records last night, I decided that my recommendation would be that we move her back to fourth grade. I consulted my mentor teacher, who agreed with me completely.

After giving the mother the facts, the mother went on and on about how she told her daughter’s teachers years ago that she didn’t have her basics and it didn’t make sense for her to move on to another grade, but they said no. First of all, I know that’s a lie because I talked to her other teachers. So, I went on and made my recommendation that we put her in fourth grade to give her six months to build up those skills before coming back to fifth grade and moving on to middle school where NO extra help is offered. The mother gave me a look saying, “How dare you even suggest that,” then back-pedaled like you would not believe. She said that she thought holding children back was bad for them socially and she thought her daughter would just completely shut down if we did that. I then made it clear that our Assistant Principal would not let her pass fifth grade if she didn’t have certain skills by the end of the year. I asked her which would be more damaging: Failing a grade or having your parent and teachers choose to put you in a grade where you can be successful because they are teaching at your level. I understand that the initial move back would sting some, but I would think getting all F’s for the fourth year in a row would sting a little more.

After much back and forth over this, the mother said that she was going to help her more at home. This, after saying that she only sees her daughter twice a week because of her job. I asked how she was going to help her if she only sees her twice a week, and she said she was going to cut back on time at work. Right. So, we’re left right back where we started, with a poor little girl who can’t keep up, me with my heart breaking over the fact that I know this girl is going to be behind for the rest of her life, and her mother more concerned with own pride than her daughter’s success. Dammit.

My Birthday Present from God

As I peered in the mirror on the 25th anniversary of my birth, I noticed two things: a large blemish on my chin, and that the eyelid of my left eye is starting to droop more-so than the right. It’s as if God is saying, “Congratulations! You are not too old for acne, and not too young for wrinkles! Happy birthday, my child!” Seriously, though, the eye thing is freaking me out.

Missing “T’s” and Traffic Jams

Last night was my birthday celebration. I picked Ross up from work and we headed over to the Hill Café for some dinner. Because I’m now incapable of remembering things since I’m so old, I had forgotten about the traffic mess that was interstate 95 and we were forced to find an ass-backwards way of getting to dinner. We ended up on the other side of the river. I was tired, hungry, and caught in traffic. None of these things are good for me to be. So, Ross decided that we should stop at Legend at get a drink and some snackies until things cleared up. I ordered a drink because I don’t do beer, and we shared some crab/spinach dip sans the spinach because of the E.Coli. Just plain crab is fine by me. I had my drink pretty fast and I was feeling much better. Keep in mind that I rarely drink and one will send me to bed for the night.

Thanks to Ross’s unmatched navigation skills we finally made it to the Hill Café, only after we were chased by a fire engine and I declared it ridiculous that “Fasmart” has no “T” in it, like they have no time to wait for the lazy-ass “T” to catch up, so they’re outta here. As Ross was escaping the fire engine, I kept calling “Fassssmaaart” out of the window. Ross didn’t seem to think that was a good idea. Whatever it was my birthday.

Once in the restaurant, we settled in, ate some food, and I had some more drinks. I was in the middle of a sentence about how much I love Alicia Farrell’s blog when I started to feel the effects of the spirits I had partaken in. I don’t think I ever finished the sentence.

I remember making some phone calls in the car on the way home. I may have left somemessages. Funny how people called me back *immediately* when they got those messages. I remember Stephanie saying that she loves Drunk Valerie, Jennifer being very nice, my brother telling me he was going to save the message I had left him, and MattWhite not being convinced by my impression of Ross. I’m kind of nervous about seeing these people again.

Question: Who loves a slightly drunk birthday girl calling you on the phone?!?!!?!?!?!?1

Answer: Everyone!!!!!!!!!

WWWWWWWWWWWWWWwooooohooooooooooo!!!!!!

Code Blue alternative?

People in the education world are all in a tizzy over this. Apparently in Fort Worth, Texas, school are teaching kids to fight back if a gunman comes into the room. They are being told to throw books, binders, anything they can find, at his head, and even rush at him if necessary.

In our school system, a gunman entering the school is considered a code blue. I won't go into what we actually do during a code blue because who knows what crrrrrazies read this page, but we definitely don't throw anything or even move at all. After reading this article, I'm wondering if that's the best choice.

This is not to say that I'm all for my children running at armed people. But, I mean, if you were going to invade a school, wouldn't you choose the one where the kids do what you say over the one where you going to get body slammed by 30 children each weight approximately 75 lbs. and a teacher weighing 130 lbs? It's a sticky choice. Part of the current implications of being a teacher (at least in my mind) is that you would risk your life to protect your kids. If it's between one of them or me taking a bullet, I'd throw myself in front of them to take it. But, unfortunately, that scenario seems a bit more likely now. Maybe teaching the kids to fight back would keep us from having to make that choice.

Any thoughts?

Red hots, busted knees, homework, and knitting

Robin gets married on Saturday and as her maid-tron of honor, it is up to me to take care of certain duties. Tonight I did the favors for the wedding. They involve very small jars, large quantities of red hots, and tying ribbon into little knots. I worked on them for 2 hours last night and 3 hours tonight. I called her immediately after I finished. This was our conversation:

Robin: Hello!
Me: They are done. Please come and get them. I don't want to see them ever again.
Robin: I love you.
Me: I'm serious.
Robin: Ok, I'll be right there.

She then came over and we had a conversation during which I was only partially coherent. Our chatting consisted of me asking her questions about the wedding, yelling at my oceanography notes, telling her about school, and yelling at my oceanography notes again. Needless to say, she didn't stay very long because I had gone insane.

Determined to stay on top of things for my oceanography class, despite the craziness that is this week, I then made my way upstairs to settle in and get my crappy homework done. I was halfway done when I realized I needed a Sharpie to draw on my globe (don't ask, it's a stupid explanation). I turned and slammed my knee into the corner of my desk. It was one of those times where you have a full second to think, "Damn that is going to *hurt* in a few seconds. It will be a hurt that I know will pass, but one that will make me want to vomit nonetheless." I was right. I then curled up on the floor groaning, "Ooooooooh, ahhhhhhhhhhhh, ooooooooh, ahhhhhhhhhhh...ooooooh.......ahhhhhhhhhhhh............ooooooooh" for about 10 minutes.

After finishing my homework, I realized that I actually had time to knit. I hobbled downstairs and scurried into the living room. I picked up one of my knitting projects (they're both scarves, but they're *different*) and proceeded to sing this song to it; yeah, that's right, I was singing to my knitting:

Oh, knitting!
How I missed you!
Oh, knitting!
How I love you!
It's been so looooooooooong,
Since we've had fuuuuuuuuun,
Oh knitting I love you so.

Clearly, it's time for bed.

Questions children asked me today...

When is the last day of school?

If Columbus sailed the ocean blue in 1492, how come he didn't get here until 1607?

Are we going outside tomorrow if it's raining?

Are you Swedish or something?

How do you spell dictionary?

Why doesn't Mr. Benedict have a real job like my dad does?

My tongue hurts, can I go to the clinic?

Sigh...

Tailgating Woohoo!

Every month a different grade level prepares some kind of “treat” for the staff. Usually this involves putting food in the teacher’s lounge for people to snack on during the day. October is 5th grade’s month, and we decided to do something different. Debbi, Janie, and I all love tailgating, and Jason just does what we say, so today we pulled their SUV’s up on the playground and served a bona-fide tailgating breakfast. Everyone came wearing their team colors and we had us a good old time. We had bubble bread, coffee cake, sausage balls, pigs in blankets, trail-mix, and cinnamon rolls. It was freezing cold, and sunny, and windy, and glorious. I had so much fun, even though I think I still smell like sausage from slaving away yesterday, up to my elbows in pork products.

Slowly going mad

I've got an INsane week coming up with about a million things going on. Here's the run down (and please note that not all of these are considered work, I'm just amazed how jam-packed everything is):

Monday: Get to work early, set up faculty breakfast, run about a zillion copies of a zillion things, teach the children, come home, make the wedding favors, do homework, maybe say hi to my husband

Tuesday: Teach the children, come home, go to Bible study, do the homework that I didn't do Monday night

Wednesday: Teach the children, get together plans for my substitute, go home, clean my house, have people at my house to watch Project Runway finale/go to Leah's bachelorette party

Thursday: Keep Robin from going insane, get a manicure and pedicure, freak out that my students are misbehaving, keep Robin from going insane again, go to Robin's bachelorette party

Friday: Pull Robin off of the ceiling from stress/excitement, freak out again that my students are misbehaving, go to wedding site and help set things up, pick Robin up off of the floor, rehearse for the wedding, go to rehearsal dinner

Saturday: Pick Robin (now called the Bride) up, make sure we've got all of the Bride's things before leaving, take the Bride to get her hair done, get my hair done, driving the Bride to the wedding site, squeeze my top-heavy self into my dress, getting the Bride into her dress, get the Bride down the aisle, cry during the ceremony, get a new brother, pose for pictures, eat some food, make a toast (eek!), dance with the hubs, roll my eyes at things the hub says, get the Bride and Groom off to their hotel, load up the car with stuff, take the stuff to the Bride and Groom's apartment, go home, die from exhaustion

Sunday: Get miraculously resurrected from death by exhaustion, sleep late, go to church, go back to sleep, wake up and pester Ross about my birthday present

Geesh.

Personal space

Today my children were acting like puppies. They were all over me every second of the day, swarming me at every turn. Finally, I picked up my yardstick and beat them. Just kidding. Actually, I picked it up, held it out from my body, and declared that they were not allowed to get within three feet of me. It worked amazingly well. See, guys? All kids need are very specific boundaries.

Sabotage!

My school is full of ladies. As we know, ladies are often concerned with their weight. Every year, my school has some sort of weight loss competition. They divide into teams and whichever team loses the most weight over a given period of time wins a reward. This year, it’s gotten ugly.

We walked into the lounge this afternoon and found our tables covered with trays of cookies, cake, and candy. A sign stood next to the treats stating, “Please help yourself and enjoy!” At first we thought, “Oh how sweet.” However, upon closer inspection of the handwriting, we discovered that our school secretary, a member of the winning weight loss team, wrote the note. It was a set up. An awesome set up which, being that I (notably not a member of a weight loss team) thoroughly enjoyed as my colleagues ate their South Beach microwave meals.

"It stabbed him in the abdomonian!!!!"

These precious words were exclaimed by young Nicholas as he watched the trapdoor spider (we think that's what is was and since I'm the science teacher and I said it, it is so) go about his ferocious feeding habits.

We came across the spider's web while walking out to recess. There are 4 distinct groups out at recess and they are as follows:
1. The kickballers
2. The jungle gym kids
3. The double-dutchers

and my personal favorite...
4. The dirt diggers.

I generally stick with watching the double dutchers and the dirt diggers. It's not my affinity for the letter "d" but rather I fell into both of these groups when I was a kid. I can't double dutch, but sometimes they will cheapen themselves and turn one rope so I can play,

Anyway, the dirt diggers were crawling around on the dew-soaked ground (yes, they all look as if they've pissed themselves by the time we go in) when all of a sudden I saw them all freeze. This is usually what happens when they've found something awesome. A complex web was spread out on the grass, reaching about 12 inches in diameter. The center of the web funneled into a small hole leading to the bottom of the mound of spider gunk. Now, dirt diggers understand that you do not mess with something as amazing as this. There will be no stepping on it or stirring of it with a twig. They must investigate. I was beckoned over, consulted, and it was decided that I should gently prod at the hole with a piece of grass. I did so, and out scurried a big brown spider. Dirt diggers don't shriek, no matter their gender. Instead they explode with shouts of "AWESOME" and "OHMYGOSHTHATISTHECOOLESTTHINGIHAVEEVERSEENINMYLIFE" and the like.

Being the awesome teacher that I am, I told them to go find a cricket to see if we could get the spider to eat it. I thought this would keep them occupied for the remainder of recess, but dirt diggers are a determined folk. They were back in less than five minutes with the lucky representative cupping a cricket in her hands. The young lady then gently (because, I mean, she didn't want to kill the cricket, she wanted to see the spider do it) placed the cricket near the hole in the web, making sure that it got stuck. Then we sat. And we watched.

After about 10 minutes of frantically telling each other to "shhhhhhhhh" and "back up so they wouldn't scare the spider" my little nerdy friends were rewarded. As the cricket made a valiant but futile attempt to leap from the web, the spider bolted out of its hole, jumped on the cricket, and dragged him to his doom down in the hole. This is when dear Nicholas placed his face directly on the grass to peer into the spider's mound and gave us the play-by-play destruction of the cricket's "abdomonian" (it was too funny to correct) and eminent death.

So, what did you do at work today?

?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Ross: Sometimes, I wish you were more of a slut.

What the mess.

Little Miss Sunshine. Or as I like to call it "Little Miss Best Movie Ever."

Ross and I ventured out into the monsoon tonight to finally cash in our movie passes. See, when you buy a house through Cabell Childress, he randomly sends you gas cards, vouchers for basketball games, and movie passes, just to thank you for doing business with him. We had gotten the latest passes a while ago, but just tonight found both of us with enough time to go and see a movie together.

We’d been wanting to see Little Miss Sunshine for a while. Luckily it was still playing at the Westhampton. So, after stopping at CVS for more large adhesive bandages (see here for why) and contraband, i.e. non-concession stand candy to be stashed in my ridiculously large bag prior to entering the theater, we made our way up to Theater #2 (our favorite-don’t ask me why) to watch this movie we’d heard so much about.

I’m very hesitant about giving two entire thumbs up or five stars. I’d much rather cop out by throwing a ½ in there so I don’t have to really commit to anything. But, I’m gonna say it: this movie gets full marks. I won’t go into the storyline because I’m not very good at summarizing, and if you really care, go see the movie. However, I will tell you that this movie is one of the best ones I’ve seen in a very long time. I didn’t even realize how long it’d been since I’d seen a good movie. But this one was great enough to show me that I’ve been watching crap for a good long while. There’s nothing pretentious about it, but it’s not fluff in any way. Its message is simple yet important, and you leave it feeling good - but not a cheesy good, like an authentic, useful, real-life good.

Greg Kinnear and Toni Collette are perfect as the married couple dragging their family along in their efforts to get their daughter to a beauty pageant. Steve Carell is hilarious as usual, but not in his typical ridiculous way. I think we often forget that comedic actors are typically the best ones. I’m not saying that I want to see him as the leading man in an epic romance, I just mean that he is capable of giving a very layered performance, without beating you over the head with his character’s plight. Paul Dano is great as the angsty (I really hate that word and I don’t think it applies, but I couldn’t think of another one), even though he doesn’t speak until the movie is almost over. And, I must say, I am totally in love with Abigail Breslin. This child makes you want to have a million babies in hopes that you will have just one like the character she plays.

So, in short, go see it. Or just Netflix it. But definitely watch it. And FYI: The horn is the best part.

Something I highly recommend:

Watching someone take off a sweatshirt when they don't know you are watching them. Woo.

So cute.

I have found the most effective classroom management tool ever: The Witches by Roald Dahl. I started reading it aloud to my kids on Tuesday and they are obsessed with it. Obsessed. Anytime they get rowdy, I hold up the book and shake my head from side to side. Apparently the possibility that they might not get to hear the story is painful enough to shock them back into normalcy. Or out of normalcy and into perfection. I’ll take either one.

I discovered a way to make them love it even more. They all sit on the carpet and I switch off the overhead lights. For some reason, having a book read by a “real” light makes them so happy. They got out of music early today, so we had an extra 15 minutes to kill before dismissal. The noise level was getting a little crazy, so I just pulled my chair onto the carpet, sat down, and opened the book. They immediately (and silently) flocked to the carpet as Travis adjusted our lighting and Michael shut the door. Then they sat in complete silence, listening to me read until the bell rang. As I shut the book, they begged for me to keep going, with one of them even saying, “Can’t we just all call our parents and get permission to stay until you finish the book?”

Thanks, Mr. Dahl.

Very tired, calm, and looking forward to the weekend.

It has been a good but long week. Yesterday brought with it lots of drama at school (thankfully none of it involving my class), requiring a lock down in our part of the building and a visit from the police to remove a parent from the premises. But, my kids have been great and hopefully we’ll have a good day. They are usually pretty mellow on Fridays. I think they feel the strain of the week, too, and look forward to the weekend for the same reasons I do.

Kate and Jennifer taught me how to knit on Wednesday, and it’s all I want to do now. I’m in the process of knitting a beautiful rectangle. It’s really wobbly and kind of gross looking at the end where I started, but it’s starting to even out as I get better. My professor at J. Sarg allowed me to knit all through class last night because apparently he is awesome. I paid excellent attention and could probably tell you all you want to know about salinity and density.

This weekend should be nice and mellow. I get a haircut this afternoon, which I’m sure will be followed by a nice long nap. I think I’m going to start knitting an actual scarf this weekend while Ross watches VT play Georgia Tech. Hopefully we’ll get to see Ross’s parents this weekend. I’m really craving the Southern Fried Chicken, green beans, and mashed potatoes from the Hill Café. Keep your fingers crossed that we get a double dinner date with them. The only thing I *have* to do is some laundry and vacuum upstairs.

October starts on Sunday, which means my birthday is so soon. I’m turning 25, which I think is awesome.

Some things I'm considering.

1. Having a talk like a robot day at school.

2. ALSO having a talk like a pirate day at school. I might even make them dress up as pirates. I just have to figure out how such a day would instructional value first.

3. Requiring my students to refer to one another as "Mr." and "Miss." I think it might be amazing.

4. Making the 90's version of "Lean on Me" our clas song and making them sing it everyday. Maybe I'll make them dance, too.

5. Taking my kids down to kindergarten to lead a seminar on walking in line, because, truly, they are amazing at it.

Let me know what you think. I am now going to bed for the 21st day in a row praising the Lord for my hilarious/wonderful/kind children.

Impaired.

I am very crafty. By crafty I mean that I can make crafts, not that I am sneaky (although I can be very sneaky at times.) If you look around my house you will find things that I have made that do not necessarily look as if they were lovingly constructed by my hands alone. But they were. My repertoire is pretty extensive, I will admit.

But still, there is one thing that I still manage to suck at. Not even suck at really, because you have to do something to suck at it. I’m so terrified of it, I don’t even know if I suck at it.

Knitting. Many of my friends do it. Most of the people I work with do it. Justin Morgan can even do it (don’t make fun of him – he spent a lot of time with girls in college learning how to do it). I’ve tried to understand how it works, and often marveled at the beautiful sweaters, caps, scarves, and ridiculously cute baby things produced by this craft. But, something in my brain just doesn’t connect the steps together.

Out on the playground (yes, part of my job involves being out on the playground), Debbi (a fellow 5th grade teacher who reminds me so much of my mother-in-law) was talking about how she knits Christmas stockings for all of her friends’ new babies or for any newlyweds she knows. We got to talking about how knitting lets you make really cool presents for people, and I confessed to her that I cannot do it. Well, she’s determined to change that. Tomorrow she is bringing in her old needles and extra yarn and, by God, she is going to teach me how to knit. Or so she says. I’ll let you know how it goes. Maybe you all will be getting lopsided scarves and tea cozies for Christmas!

Almost Fatmous?!?!?!

I'm not really one to be concerned about weight. I try not to focus on what the scale says and concentrate on how I feel and how my clothes fit. However, I recently calculated my BMI, and found that I'm currently at 23.6, only 1.4 away from being technically overweight. OMG!!!

I worked out a ton this summer, but as I started using my brain again since school started, I ended up neglecting my body. But, no more! So, I've committed to a minimum of 30 minutes of physical activity a day. I made this promise on Thursday and so far it's going well. As I've learned, you just need to do something everyday for 21 days to make it a habit. I've made it 3 out of 3 days, so hopefully I'll keep up with it. Here's how it's gone as of now:

Thursday-Walked Zapp
Friday-Exercised on the Balance Ball
Saturday-BELLY DANCING DVD!!!!

In addition to this increase in activity and my new obsession with Green Tea (and consequential disinterest in soda), I'm sure to be in tip-top shape in no time. Right?

You are the love of my life. Quite simply, the love of my life.

My life has been made better, by you, Diet Lipton Green Tea With Citrus.

HOW CAN MY NOSE BE RUNNING AND STUFFED UP AT THE SAME TIME?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?1/1

I'm going to wear a biohazard suit to school from now on. It's only week three and I've already been floored by a wicked cold that makes me "gurgle" in my sleep, according to Ross. I've was feeling much better yesterday, but apparently my re-entry into the filth that is an elementary school classroom, my cold has gotten stronger and become a bigger pain in my ass. All I wanted to do today was to plop them in front of a Magic Schoolbus Video, curl up under my desk, and go to sleep. Good thing my principal was making the rounds today, or I just might have done that.

This cold better go away because I got plans to be at the beach this weekend. Don't worry, Phannie. If I don't go, I will still pay my part of the rental fee. But please only accept my payment whilst wearing latex gloves and a SARS mask.

You have one month and 6 days until my birthday.

Here is my wish list...

1. A gift certificate to have Merry Maids come and clean my house
2. Tile my downstairs hallway
3. Purchase and install a new furnace
4. Purchase and install new windows in my house
5. The new iPod shuffle
6. A baby
7. A sewing machine
8. For Ross to clean the office

Hop to it.

Mi esposo, Ross

He takes my iPod and puts music on it without telling me. Sometimes I like this, sometimes I don't. Usually I do because when I push play, it's like a little surprise he made for me. Even though I skip through a lot of songs after 5 seconds.

He leaves his bladder on the dining room table. Not his *real* bladder, but the one that goes with his camelback thing that he wears while biking. I like just calling it his bladder because it sounds absurd.

He gets really mad when people say bad things about marriage. It's the one situation where I think he would actually get into a fight with someone.

He love love loves his parents.

He demands that infants do tricks in order to keep him entertained. If they don't, he openly mocks them.

He calls my sister his sister and my brother his brother. None of this in-law mess.

He often stands in the shower with his eyes closed and his arms crossed across his chest, looking very formidable. This is the only time he looks formidable. Ever.

He never yells.

When he finds a good restaurant, book, movie, anything really, he will tell everyone he knows about it, in detail. Everyone. And I'm usually there for each time he tells them.


He loves me more than he loves anyone. HA! Suck it, fools!

I'd put an old man to shame.

I have so many ailments right now, it's ridiculous. After taking just one iron tablet, my stomach went INsane (as the warning label said it would). I won't go into details. On top of that, I already have my first cold of the school year. Being that it's only the second week, I'm kind of frustrated. My TMJ is acting up and I need to sleep with a heating pad on my face tonight. I also can't seem to remember anything for more than 5 minutes. THINGS ARE AWESOME.

And the verdict is...

Anemia. Yet another medication will be added to my daily arsenol. I guess it could be worse, though.

I <3 LabCorp.

Time in: 4:00 pm
Times stuck: 1
Time out: 4:09 pm

I’m a human pincushion.

Yesterday, after much urging from my husband, I finally went to the doctor to figure out what the heck my problem is. For the last 3 weeks I have major headaches during the day, as well as an overwhelming feeling that I have been run over by a truck. After a near temper tantrum yesterday morning over not being able to find a shirt that I believed fit, I scheduled an appointment with my doctor, saying, “I’ve felt like crap for almost a month and I’d like to know why.”

My appointment was at 3:45. I got into the exam room at 4:45. Awesome. It was also freezing which doesn’t make a tired person feel any better. When the doctor (who I love love love, even though he has really hairy hands) finally came, we sat and chatted about my issues. After about 15 minutes of him hmmming at me and my teeth chattering at him due to the polar temperatures of the room, he basically said he had no clue what was wrong. Soooooo, he decided to get some blood and test me for just about everything.

The nurse came in and tried to stick me in my right arm. No luck. My left arm. No luck. My left hand. No luck. My right hand. No luck. Just as I was about to offer her my foot to try, she said that they were just going to give me a lab order for me to take over to LabCorp and have them draw the blood. Still awesome. So today, I will go to LabCorp, get stuck again, and hopefully by the week we will find out if I am anemic, pregnant, have mono, have a thyroid condition, or none of the above. Or maybe ALL of the above?!?!?!?!?11

Oh, and if they don’t find anything, I have to go to a sleep specialist to see if I have some kind of sleeping disorder. I love love love disorders so I’m putting my money on that one.

What a great start to the weekend!

It's 1:11 and I'm just getting out of bed. I *did* get out of bed at 9 to let the dogs out (yeah, it was me), but when I got back upstairs Ross looked so snuggly in the bed, I just couldn't resist. PLUS, when I finally got out of bed, I found a new ink cartidge for my printer resting on my desk, courtesy of my non-lazy hubs. Now I will take a shower-maybe that will be magical, too!!!!!!!!!!!111

Things that are irritating.

I've recently begun to experience what "normal" people feel when they are irritated. Pre-Meds, I would have a physical reaction to being irritated and fixate on it for days. Now, I just think, "Man, that's irritating." It's quite a breakthrough.

In honor of my new-found normalcy, I thought I'd list a few things that are irritating to me...

1. People who toss cigarette butts on the ground or out of the car window. This is littering in every possible way. There is no justification for it. Please stop.

2. Chronic lateness.

3. People who spell it "definately" rather than "definitely."

4. When people say "I wish I was." It's "I wish I were."

5. Errands

6. Dust

7. When old people say, "It's five o'clock somewhere."

8. Frat boys. Well, just the loud ones who remind me of after-school specials about date-rape.

9. Victory Nissan commercials. True Richmonders know what I mean.

10. Vanilla anything: candles, lotion, perfume, anything

11. French accents

12. How sweaters get those fuzzy, little pilly things on them

13. People misquoting movies in large groups when everyone is listening to them. If you're not absolutely sure that you've got it right (as in, you've looked it up on the internet), don't say it.

14. Pie crust

15. Children running around public places, subjecting us all to the choas to which their parents have become numb.

What about you?

So far so good

Today was day #2 out of 183, and I must say that I was pleasantly surprised. Either I was just super-together from the jumping off point, or I just have a good mix of kids. We were very nervous about the little ones that were coming up, but we're starting to think that they were just grouped really badly last year. Honestly, this was the best start to the school year that I have ever had. They came in today and hit the ground running. Keep your fingers crossed that we have a nice, solid, steady year.

!?!?!??!?!?

The Crocodile Hunter is dead.

Hooooo. I'm funny.

I saw this. But I would much rather have seen this:



Ohhhh, homophones. You so crazy.

It's that time again...

School starts on Monday. I didn't go in for our last day of teacher workweek because it's quite possible that I wouldn't be able to make it home. See, my school is surrounded by roads that all have very steep hills. The slightest bit of rain tends to wash those roads out. Personally, I don't want to be trapped at school for the holiday weekend.

It was a good workweek, overall. I like being busy, so it was a nice change from this summer. My room is all set up and beautiful, if I do say so myself (and I do). We have a new class pet. He's a hamster named Snooze. Snooze is very cute but he screeches when he gets nervous. Who new that hamsters could scream?

We had Back to School Night yesterday evening. I had a good turnout despite the rain. I met several parents who seem very nice and supportive. It should be an interesting year. I have a lot of kids who are said to be high maintenance and chatty. Hopefully I'll be able to break them of that habit pretty quickly. I just know that my room will have to be even more structured than usual to keep the kids on track.

We have two kids in 5th grade named Earl. Weird.

I'm really excited about the motto that my school has adopted. We are now officially a "Work Hard, Be Kind" school. The music teacher wrote an awesome song for the kids to learn. It involves clapping, drums, and different groups of kids singing different things at different time. She told me the word for that but I forgot. She taught the song to the teachers at our last staff meeting and I got to play a huge drum. A fourth grade teacher and I were in charge of chanting the background beat. I don't know why we got paired up because we kind of have a history of playing around A LOT, but we did a very good job and had so much fun. The teachers already love the song and I know the kids will flip out over the chaotic, yet rhythmic nature of it all. I mean, they get to sing really loudly. What kid doesn't like that?

I'll give updates as the school year gets started. I'm feeling really good about everything and I actually can't wait for all of the craziness to start!

He's a genius.

This evening Ross and I had the honor of watching our dear friend Remus eat solid foods for the first time. While we dined on delicious meatloaf (which you never really *pick* to eat but it always hits the spot) and mashed yams, Remus rested in the other room to ready his small self for the excitement.

We took turns feeding him rice mush and mushy squash. We all declared him advanced when he insisted on holding the spoon himself and when he would push it back towards the bowl once the spoon was empty. Needless to say, it was super cute.

Thanks to Jenny and Mark for letting us be part of this momentous occassion-I had *so* much fun. And, I'm not gonna lie, I got a little drunk, which is always nice to do on your last night of summer vacation.

"Comic Sues Jews for Jesus"

This headline had me puzzled. Before reading the article, I thought it was saying that a comic was taking it upon himself to sue all of the Jews *for* Jesus. And then I realized that I was an idiot.

Something I said today that was awesome.

"Shit, I still need to make the communion bread."

I'm sure Jesus appreciated that one.

Stupid Chemical Imbalance.

I spent most of today in bed. I didn't sleep last night because I spent most of yesterday in bed as well. We'll see how it goes tonight.

My diagnosis with an anxiety disorder was essentially a diagnosis of depression. It's by no means debilitating, but occasionally (typically with the onset of every girl's most favorite time of the month) it seems that even medication cannot battle the wicked drops in seratonin that I experience.

As these drops occur, every part of my life that I'm stressed about or sad about comes rushing to the forefront of my brain, sending me into a mope that would put even the most emo of teenagers to shame. I am currently fighting one of those mopes, so don't expect anything funny. A kind word or two would help, though.

To ink?

I want a tattoo really bad. Like really bad. And it's not just cause I watch Miami Ink. I want dogwood blossoms around what looks like a stamp that says "Made in Richmond, VA." I thought it would be funny to get "Made in Richmond, VA" tattooed on the bottom of my foot, so I'd be like a Barbie doll, but I know it would rub off. Too bad we're too poor for such a treat. Maybe one day.

DOWN WITH ROMANCE.

I was watching One Week to Save Your Marriage this evening, because it's one of those shows that makes me feel great about my relationship *and* my ability to just, well, not be a jerk to the people I love. Anyway, the premise of this show is pretty self explanatory. This counselor provides intense therapy for couples on the brink of divorce, in efforts to get them back on track, all in one week. This week's couple was Erin and, well, I can't remember the husband's name because I was too enraged by the insanity/ridiculousness of his baby-talking, passive aggressive wife. Erin's main complaint was that Husband was never romantic. I mean, it was pretty obvious to me why he wasn't romantic. Who would want to snuggle up with the Pouty McIceQueen every night? Anyway, her infuriatingly vague yet screeching demands for romance got me thinking.

Ross and I have been married for three years. We were together for a total of 5 years before that, including a brief break. I like to call it "Ross's 11 months of Insanity," but we'll just call it a break. Anyway, even by the time we were married, we were kind of over the romance part of things. The flowers, sweet emails, and butterflies in the stomach (although they still make their appearances every now and then) gave way to solidarity, sacrifice, trust, and deep love and committment, all of which require much more thought and dedication than a romantic evening ever would.

I think this fade of romance applies to all relationships you have, too. For example, when you make a new friend, someone that you really connect with, you make much more of an effort to ensure a really good time when you hang out. You want to have deep, revealing conversations with each other, and you tend to think about that person a lot. It's a lot like having a crush, or just starting a relationship. But, eventually, that excitement is replaced by what comes with really knowing someone. You begin to cherish the silences when you are just together, silences that would have sent you into a panic before. Just knowing what is going on in each other's lives and being supportive to one another becomes more important than being considered the "fun" or "smart" friend. For example, I loved knowing that after an unusually long separation from one another, the first thing Maura and I wanted to do was just hug each other. That's it. Our only plan was to hug, not have some super, fancy girl's day out. Not that we would be against it, but it's just not important.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying romance is bad, despite what the title of this post suggests. I just don't see what the fuss is all about. Maybe people have the wrong idea about what is romantic. If Ross ever showed up with flowers and whisked me off to a fancy dinner, I'd be pleased, but I probably would be wondering what was wrong, what news needed to be presented on such a fancy platter. To me, romance is giving of yourself, your energy, and your time. The most romantic thing that Ross does is get up in the middle of the night to put Shooter in his crate once the pup starts pacing around the room. He knows I have trouble getting back to sleep, so he takes care of it.

That's not just romance; to me, that's love.

People are too scared to talk to strangers, I guess.

Today I made my way to J. Sarg. to get myself a student ID and parking pass. If you've never been to the Parham campus, the whole school consists of two buildings and some trailers. As I was standing in a line* that was nothing compared to the lines I was used to at UR but was apparently "ridiculous" according to the full time students, people were gathering around classrooms waiting for the next sessions to start. Directly to my left was a classroom that was locked. By the time I had gotten there, 5 people were sitting outside the door. They all knew the door was locked. And yet, everytime a new person came up, he or she would glance at the people waiting and go up and try the door. Never once did any of the people who already knew the door was locked say anything to their classmates. NOT ONCE. I watched this scene for 30 minutes. Of course, I could have said something**, but it was more interesting to watch how much these people did *not* want to talk to each other.

*Just as I left the ID services room, with parking pass and ID in hand, there was fire drill. All of the people in line had to leave the building and then get back in line once allowed back in the building. It was awesome.

**I was also too busy to talk to these people because I was chatting it up with my new friend Tina and her son, Mike, who is a junior in high school. Mike is obviously gay and his mother obviously has no idea. I didn't want to tell her that because she was nice enough to let me borrow her pen. I used the pen to fill out my car registration form, rather than to burst her bubble.

Stream of Consciousness a la Britney Spears

Shooter loves loves loves the smell of anything distributed by Mary Kay. He will rip himself from a sound sleep to stick his nose on my face and just breathe in the luxury.

I really need someone to go under my house again. We need to put a concrete block under one of our beams so it's not resting on the ground. If you do this, you can have our first born.

I bought a notebook for my class today. I really can't wait to write my name on the cover, but I'm trying to restrain myself.

The fact that I now have a printer makes me feel free and powerful.

They say you're either a Beatles person or an Elvis person. I am an Elvis person by nature, a Beatles person by assimilation.

Have you seen Justin Timberlake's new video for "SexyBack"? Oh my gawwwwwwd. Mmmm.

I hate mushrooms. THEY ARE A FUNGUS. Why don't you just go lick the toes of someone with athlete's foot?

Good night and good luck.