You have GOT to be kidding me...

As I strolled around the classroom this morning, watching my little darlings dutifully completing their study guides for tomorrow's test, an unpleasant smell whafted by my nose. It was indistinct at first, and still quite subtle. Then Veronica, a very sweet young lady who would rather die than cause a problem, whispers to me, "Mrs. Catrow, do you smell something?"
"Yes, Veronica, I do. Do you?"
"Yes, ma'am, and it's making my stomach hurt."
"Well, don't say anything because the rest of the class will just go crazy."
"OK," she muttered and tucked her nose inside of her shirt collar. I surveyed the room in a panic, checking to see if anyone else had noticed. Some of you may know that things such as bad smells, wasps, farts, and snot, will break a class's concentration for days if not handled immediately. Slowly, but surely, the other kids started looking around, and following Veronica's lead, their little noses hidden from the smell that we all recognized by that point. To give them credit, the kids got into line and changed classes without comment or incident. But suddenly, Charlie, being the narc that he is, rushed up to me in a fury.
"Mrs. Catrow! Makia's got Fart Spray."
"He's got WHAT?!?!?"
"Fart Spray. He just told me that he sprayed it in your room. He was spraying it on the bus, too."
"Well, why didn't you say something ealier, Charlie?!?!?!"
"I couldn't smell it earlier. Now my stomach hurts and I think he should stop."

I walked into Makia's math class and demanded that he come out into the hall. He automatically put on the "What did I do? I'm a perfect angel" face as he shuffled out into the hallway.

"Empty your pockets, Makia," I said in my scariest, monotone voice.
"Wha-why? All I have is lunch money."
"Empty your pockets right now."

He shuffled through his pants, showing me his lunch money in his front left pocket, his house key in his back pocket, all the while I'm noticing a suspicious shape in his front right pocket.

"Now that one," I said, pointing.
"I didn't spray it," he said emphatically.
"Didn't spray what? Show it to me." He reached into his pocket and pulled out this:



"I didn't spray it, I swear!" Makia kept insisting.
"Well, if you didn't do anything wrong, then I guess you have nothing to worry about when you explain to the principal why you even have this in school," I snapped, leading him swiftly up the hallway and into the office. As I presented my culprit to the office staff, I could tell that they all had trouble not laughing. Relieved of my hoodlum, I made my way back to my classroom, wondering, "When in the hell did I sign up to teach on Saved By the Bell?"