Joyce

My step-father's mother died on Saturday. She was a great lady. My mom married my step-father, Stewart, when I was 15, my sister was 17, and my brother was 21. So, along with a new daughter-in-law, Joyce got three grown grandchildren. She accepted us without question and hen-pecked us like we were her own. I remember that every Christmas she sent us each a fifty dollar bill in an envelope marked with our name in quotes. For six years I got envelopes marked with "Valerie." Then when I got married, they were marked with "Valerie and Ross." Always in quotes-it never failed. And if I didn't send a thank you note immediately, boy did I hear about it.

Joyce got sick a little over a year ago and they didn't give her very long to live. Eventually she refused treatment and decided she just wanted to be at home and go her own way. She spent the last few weeks going over with my mother exactly what she wanted for her funeral, down to the menu from Ukrop's to be served at the house after the service. She even bought herself some new underthings and a new pair of shoes to go with the dress she wore to my wedding, her outfit of choice to be buried in. She was a no-nonsense woman in every sense of the word. She didn't sugar-coat much and the coming of the 21st century did very little to change her way of doing things. I miss her very much, even though we didn't see her very often after she got sick.

I did my best to call my mother often to check up on her and Stewart as they got things sorted out. It was good to hear her laugh about some of the things they found in her house (apparently she had quite a collection of dirty books-gasp!). The service is on Wednesday. My hubs has never been to a funeral before. I tried to explain to him what it was like, but all I could say was that it's something that you just do. You don't want to be there, but you don't *not* want to be there, either. And one doesn't rejoyce at the fact that he/she is quite accustomed to going to funerals, like I am.

Regardless, I hope we do things that way she would have wanted us to. I hope I have the presence of mind to be as specific with my loved ones as she was. I've talked to so many of my co-workers who have had to makes plans for their family members who never wanted to talk about what should happen when their time comes. Not that Joyce would have had it any other way-she always knew what she wanted and I hope we do well for her on Wednesday.